the world is sfumato

writing is compression of thought.
and thought itself, compression of experience.

i have nothing to write because i have no thoughts. only a flood of un-compressable experience.

but sometimes i wake up and i am thirsty. sometimes i am not hungry for a long time. my dreams have not arrived in Africa yet – i am still in Arkansas when i sleep. sometimes i see the mark on the inside of my right arm, and i remember.

we are created by being destroyed.

but there is still so much of me to destroy.
i am ready.
we are never ready.

two days less a fortnight

“Lightning and thunder require time; the light of the stars requires time; deeds, though done, still require time to be seen and heard.”

That is what it is like, being here, on this continent. My arrival: the lightning. But the thunder of it all… not yet.

I had jabana (coffee made with ginger root and sweetened with a good bit of sugar) today with a man named Adam. I told him I had worked at a coffee shop called Starbucks when I lived in the United States. He asked me if that was a coffee shop that my family owned.

I do not speak Arabic yet.

captain

lists, papists, dreams, and personal hygene

well, i’m still in Arkansas, for the moment. got a plane ticket for tuesday, though. still hoping that visa comes in! in the past few days, i’ve:

• floated and fished Big Piney
• free-climbed above lake dardanelle
• walked barefoot to and from the mailbox everyday around noon
• ate sushi with a dear old college roommate and a dear old spencer
• reminisced about candle wax paintings and other things that i could not find a way to put into words. (cried a little.)
• remembered a time that felt hopeless and thanked God for hope.

i’ve decided that the Catholic channel, Eternal Word Television Network, is by far the best thing on television. it’s really not even close. there are some truly inspirational beards on that channel. check out the franciscan monks sometime.

last night i dreamed i visited a greek orthodox church in eureka springs to photograph their icons. i’m not even sure there’s an orthodox church in eureka springs. in my dream, i ended up at a catholic megachurch that had lots of flatscreen televisions which displayed icons. i think maybe i left the tv on EWTN when i fell asleep.

this evening, after “twosies”, i reached for the toilet paper only to realize that the roll was empty. in a moment of panic, the prayer i prayed was “O God, i’m not ready. i need another week of toilet paper.” i found some.

peace,
captn s.